My home towm is south korea.south korea is smaller than mississippi.
Even though, Korea is small country, it is strong.
But unfortunately, Korea has a gloomy history. Few years ago, korea had been controled by many countries. Even after independnt, we are divided 2groups, north korea and south korea.
Until now , they are divided. And what is worse, the public is starving because they are very poor.
So some people are going abroad. But that makes our country more weaker.
Other countries called emigrant as a ugly Korean. Because their costume is not neat and they are lude. I was very shame after listen that word.
But there is one merit that makes korea strong.
That is patience and effort.
For 10 years, we are grown up from poor country to strong country, from ugly Korean to well-mannered Korean.
Now we are known for kimchi , tae kyun do and a semiconductor.
And also Korea called semiconductor country.
There are samsung (popular multinational corporation), hyun dai , kia(known as car brand).
Nowadays, a lots of foreigners coming to Korea.
In Seoul, there is foreigner town called lee tae won.
Meanwhile, lots of people were going to abroad. In America there are many korea town at Newyork, Cicago, LA.
Now , I am proud of my country, Korea
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteUnity：5. But I am not sure if Korea's weak history and the last part that lots of people were going to abroad relate to main idea or not.
ReplyDeleteConherence: 4. It will be smoother if some transitional words are changed.
Support: 4. Examples like kimchi , tae kyun do and a semiconductor are very good. If there are more details or other support fields, it could be better.
Mechanics of Writing: 4
Sentence 1: 1.(South Korea)
2: 1. (South Korea)
3: 2(delete the comma after Even though)
4. 13(But)
5. 10(A few years ago) 1(Korea) 4(controlled)
6. 5(independence) 10(divided into) 1(North Korea, South Korea)
10. 4(weaker)
11. 4(an ugly)
12. 11(costume--> outfit)I am not sure about it.
13. 8 (listened to or heard)
14. 1(Korea)
16. 5(are growing up)
18. 10(is called)
19. 10(and kia or add "and so on" at the end)I am not sure about it.
20. 5(come)
23. 4(chicago)